依靠。依赖

有时候，依赖一下身边的好友其实很不错。

平时的我不常和姐妹们诉说自己的不愉快或秀出软弱的一面。我是坚强的，不需要别人的肯定 - 我一定不属于弱者。

但好姐妹们都知道，我不是铁金刚。会哭，会忧郁，会害怕。

“不帮你是正常的。帮你是bonus”，我常常这样说。那也是我人生的原则之一。所以，也常常会把“他可能帮不到你”，为前提。不是因为不相信他们，而是知道他们也忙，也很累。于是，就塑造了自己相当独立不爱求助的一面。就算要求助，也没办法倘然的开口。

B说“独立是好，过于独立那就不好了。”

*不以为然* 那时之前。此时的我学会了要对朋友有信心 - 相信他们不会对自己一时的依赖而感到反感愤怒。相信适时的依靠，而不是过于的依赖 - 是ok的。。

姐妹们都知道我近期忙得焦头烂耳，快疯了。好久没让自己忙成睡觉都没时间，大家都很不习惯。我就更别说了。

也因为忙，变得没办法做很多事。真的走投无路。我说真的。

非得开口求助了。

但，我不得不说 - 默契很重要。身边的朋友都变得非常体恤我。仿佛在对我说“没关系，我在，你可以靠我。” 感动到~~~~流目屎。

K说“知道你忙，所以我会去调查，你过目就好。”

内疚死了。这明明是我自己volunteer的项目。但却变得他得全权负责。

嗨。。。

我：J，可不可以帮我transfer钱给某某某？我忙死了。。

J：Ok，等一下我就帮你transfer。

这几天，真的让我领悟到“琳吖，靠一下你的朋友吧。不要怕他们拒绝你，生气你。对你的死党们要有信心，相信他们了解你的处境。”

你瞧瞧，要我依靠一个人就是那么难。非得想到头破才肯去喊救命。

要说的是，我累。我怕累。但姐妹们总是可以间接的推我一把。是我的推动力，让我再累都熬得过。我行。

如果可以的话，我还是不想成为一个麻烦精去烦人家。可是，偶尔对朋友嗲一下，靠一下，开开玩笑的命令他们要来陪我，也挺舒服的！嘻嘻嘻。

快3点了。4小时后要起床。又是漫长的一天！

告诉自己“不怕不怕！”

Loves from all over the world

The peers are definitely gonna think "wtf is this? Who are this girls? They even made a video for her?"

Only if they understand the real reason why I was so immensed with twitdom. It's not only about fangirling, but the friends you made throughout.

Even more important, it's the things they do to show that you meant something to them.

Well, what can I say? The mind went blank seeing this. I really wasn't expecting it. Yes yes yes, the tap was on for abit. I was touched. (who won't?) I'm not a person who likes surprises. Because I don't know how to react to it. Or rather, I don't like people seeing me weep.

Therefore I'll try means and ways to not let myself be caught in the act. I usually prempted surprises. Most of the time.

I didn't do alot. Really. All I did was to make things less dreadful for the days when they feel shitty. That's all.

Sure, I could have gone on a hiatus without alarming them, I wanted to go off quietly for I don't want people to think I'm seeking deliberate attention. But I wanna say a proper goodbye. Afterall, it's my friends we are talking about. So I started to log in lesser, reply lesser and hinted abit here and there..

Message from Nisa...
Message from Faith...
Message from Noy...
Message from Zoel...
Message from Menu...
Message from Hiromi...
Message from Nopi...
Message from Mai...
Message from Danika...

As well as the rest,

Your love seats well in my heart. :)

Seriously, when was this done ah??? How come I have no idea at all?! *ponders*

Thank you dani.. and the rest of you girls.

And Sazeena.. Read your DM. And since it's a DM, I thought it's better not to copy her entire message here.

Thank you for your heartfelt message! The things you said, trending sessions and me calming the situation, I guess that's was the only thing I could do for others. I can't contribute much actually..

No, I do not remember any angry Saz at all.. not even in the DMs. All I saw was a friend whom need a listening ear, someone who trust me, someone who is willing to share her fears with me.

A friend not only share one's joys and strengths. A friend welcomes your woes and weakness too. No? :)

I'm no one special. I'm just, me.

And I'm your friend.